If Only
by Obsidian Buterfly
Summary: A drabble on R. Syaoran which is once again kind of angsty and sad.


He observed the group of dimension travelers through the eyes of his other self, like a silent spectator. That is what he had been doing for the past seven years. Seeing all the events as they unfolded, from the sidelines, never really doing anything except watch and wait; waiting for the time when he would be free again. Yes, that had been the payment for his wish; his very own tabooed wish.

Whenever he could find a weakness in that mirror seer's seal, he would try and reach for his other self through his dreams, appearing to him as his reflection; he would always try to warn the boy of what lay ahead in store for him; warn him of the ever impending doom. But try as he might, his message could never really get across to that copy of himself; that being created to serve the twisted purpose of its creator. It was true he had copied half of his own heart into the clone but half a copy could never really fill in the space of a true heart. Something he always hoped the boy would have grown by the time _his _own heart returned to him.

After seven years of waiting in silence and captivity, he was finally strong enough to break the seal binding him completely. This meant only one thing- the time of the Judgment was approaching fast- it was the time to atone for all that he had done. Even as the witch transported him to that city where acid fell from the sky, he kept praying for one thing and one thing alone. _Please have a heart of your own. _He did not want to take away the source of the princess's happiness. But alas! Fate had something else in mind for the princess of the desert and her brave knights. As soon as he saw the blood and that stolen blue eye, he knew all his hopes and prayers had been just that- hopes and unanswered prayers, nothing more. That artificial being was no more a human now than it was seven years ago at the time of its creation.

Only the screams of the one he loved so dearly had stopped him from running his copy through with the blade he held in his hand. He knew he was going to regret the decision later on but nothing could come in the way of the princess and her happiness- not even _he_ himself. If she wanted the heartless being to live on, then so be it. Maybe her undying love might be able to change his nature from a mindless thing to a free human being.

Oh how he wished now, to go back to that time once more, the time he had arrived in the city of Tokyo. Now as he helplessly watched the princess's soul transform into those soft pink petals; now as she died in the arms of the one _she_ loved. If only he had not been so blind back then. If only he had done what his instinct had told him to do at that time and finished off the other Syaoran, maybe she would still be alive. He would still have _her _with him. Of course she was not the one he had actually vowed to protect at all costs but still, to him Sakura was _Sakura_. Watching the last petal blow away in that non-existent wind of the dream world as he was pulled out of that place, he felt as though if he had lost her all over again; he had failed at protecting her because _that _Sakura was no more.

His eyes widened in surprise as that Syaoran- the very same one who had mercilessly destroyed countless worlds in his search for the magical feathers- used his own body to shield _him_ from that blade. The ninja from Nihon made short work of the cleft chinned magician's decoy, killing the fake doctor in an instant but now, as he held his own dying image in his arms, he realized something; maybe the princess of the desert- the copy of _his _princess- had been right in her decision. His other self had indeed grown a heart. Why else would he be apologizing to them all for all the wrongs that he had done? Why else would he be thanking them for worrying about him? Why else would he be returning the magician of Celes, his stolen left eye even as his own body shattered to nothingness? _Just like his princess._ He thought sadly. _Maybe he would find happiness in the afterlife, the very same happiness that he had been denied in this life._ But _he _did not have time to muse about that. Time was about to move forward once again. _His _princess was waiting for him to take her hand. Just the way she had reached out for him fourteen years ago, when it had all began. _I _will_ save you this time._ He thought with determination burning in his ember eye as he got up from the ground and turned around to make the decision he had failed to make once upon a time. _Yes! Just like that Syaoran, I too will find a happy ending for myself. _With this single thought in his mind he, too, got ready to face what lay ahead in store for him and his companions.

_**A/N: wow. This is my second attempt at writing from Syaoran's POV and I think it turned out really well. Oh but that's what I think. You people should be the ones telling me that. ;) Hehehe.**_

_**Anyhow I wrote this while I listened to "if only" by "hoobastank" and if you ask me this song really fits R. Syaoran from whose point of view I have written this weird drabble.**_


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